Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
