if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
