I hate all girls vehemently.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
