so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
