the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
