Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
