Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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