batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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