i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
