the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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