She even gives head with a lisp.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Watching her eat just hurts me
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
