He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
