NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
