am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
