this beer tastes like vomit already
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
