You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
