Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
