I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
