i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
