I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
