do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
