STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
