U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
