All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
