Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
