Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
