I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
