Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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