I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
