my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
