I hate all girls vehemently.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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