I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
