is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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