just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
