Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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