I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
