I just saw a hot homeless man
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
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