You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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