You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
