At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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