Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
