I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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