TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
