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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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