just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
