It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
