Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
