escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
