i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
