So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
