The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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