i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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